I'll Be Home for Christmas Read online

  Just a few short hours ago she’d stacked up her shopping bags by the front door, colorful Christmas bags loaded with presents for everyone. Five oversize bags for Keith. She wondered what happened to the presents she’d bought two years ago. Did her mother take them over to Keith’s mother’s house or were they in the downstairs closet? She’d never asked.

  She’d spent a sinful amount of money on him this year. She’d even knitted a stocking for him and filled it with all kinds of goodies and gadgets. She’d stitched his name on the cuff of the bright red stocking in bright green thread. Was she a fool?

  Mo pulled on her fleece-lined parka. Bundled up, she carried as many of the bags downstairs to the lobby as she could handle. She made three trips before she braved the outdoors. She needed to shovel and heat the car up.

  She was exhausted when she tossed the fold-up shovel into the back of the Jeep. The heater and defroster worked furiously, but she still had to scrape the ice from the windshield and driver’s side window. She checked the flashlight in the glove compartment. She rummaged inside the small opening, certain she had extra batteries, but couldn’t find any. She glanced at the gas gauge. Three-quarters full, enough to get her home. She’d meant to top off last night on her way home from work, but she’d been in a hurry to get home to finish wrapping Keith’s presents. God, she’d spent hours making intricate, one-of-a-kind bows and decorations for the gold-wrapped packages. A three-quarter tank would get her home for sure. The Cherokee gave her good mileage. If memory served her right, the trip never took more than a quarter of a tank. Well, she couldn’t worry about that now. If road conditions permitted, she could stop on 95 or when she got onto the Jersey Turnpike.

  Mo was numb with cold when she shrugged out of her parka and boots. She debated having a cup of tea to warm her up. Maybe she should wait for rush hour traffic to be over. Maybe a lot of things.

  Maybe she should call Keith and ask him point blank if he was going to meet her in front of the Christmas tree. If she did that, she might spoil things. Still, why take her life in her hands and drive through what looked like a terrible storm, for nothing. She’d just as soon avoid her parents’ pitying gaze and make the trip tomorrow morning and return in the evening to lick her wounds. If he was really going to be a no-show, that would be the way to go. Since there were no guarantees, she didn’t see any choice but to brave the storm.

  She wished she had a dog or a cat to nuzzle, a warm body that loved unconditionally. She’d wanted to get an animal at least a hundred times these past two years, but she couldn’t bring herself to admit that she needed someone. What did it matter if that someone had four legs and a furry body?

  Her address book was in her hand, but she knew Keith’s New York phone number by heart. It was unlisted, but she’d managed to get it from the brokerage house Keith worked for. So she’d used trickery. So what? She hadn’t broken the rules and called the number. It was just comforting to know she could call if she absolutely had to. She squared her shoulders as she reached for the portable phone on the kitchen counter. She looked at the range-top clock. Seven forty-five. He should still be home. She punched out the area code and number, her shoulders still stiff. The phone rang five times before the answering machine came on. Maybe he was still in the shower. He always did cut it close to the edge, leaving in the morning with his hair still damp from the shower.

  “C’mon, now, you know what to do if I don’t answer. I’m either catching some z’s or I’m out and about. Leave me a message, but be careful not to give away any secrets. Wait for the beep.” Z’s? It must be fast track New York talk. The deep, husky chuckle coming over the wire made Mo’s face burn with shame. She broke the connection.

  A moment later she was zipping up her parka and pulling on thin leather gloves. She turned down the heat in her cozy apartment, stared at her small Christmas tree on the coffee table, and made a silly wish.

  The moment she stepped outside, grainy snow assaulted her as the wind tried to drive her backward. She made it to the Cherokee, climbed inside, and slammed the door. She shifted into four-wheel drive, then turned on the front and back wipers. The Cherokee inched forward, its wheels finding the traction to get her to the access road to I-95. It took her all of forty minutes to steer the Jeep to the ramp that led onto the Interstate. At that precise moment she knew she was making a mistake, but it was too late and there was no way now to get off and head back to the apartment. As far as she could see, it was bumper-to-bumper traffic. Visibility was almost zero. She knew there was a huge green directional sign overhead, but she couldn’t see it.

  “Oh, shit!”

  Mo’s hands gripped the wheel as the car in front of her slid to the right, going off the road completely. She muttered her favorite expletive again. God, what would she do if the wipers iced up? From the sound they were making on the windshield, she didn’t think she’d have to wait long to find out.

  The radio crackled with static, making it impossible to hear what was being said. Winter advisory. She already knew that. Not only did she know it, she was participating in it. She turned it off. The dashboard clock said she’d been on the road for well over an hour and she was nowhere near the Jersey Turnpike. At least she didn’t think so. It was impossible to read the signs with the snow sticking to everything.

  A white Christmas. The most wonderful time of the year. That thought alone had sustained her these past two years. Nothing bad ever happened on Christmas. Liar! Keith dumped you on Christmas Eve, right there in front of the tree. Don’t lie to yourself!

  “Okay, okay,” she muttered. “But this Christmas will be different, this Christmas it will work out.” Keith will make it up to you, she thought. Believe. Sure, and Santa is going to slip down the chimney one minute after midnight.

  Mo risked a glance at the gas gauge. Half. She turned the heater down. Heaters added to the fuel consumption, didn’t they? She thought about the Ferragamo boots she was wearing. Damn, she’d set her rubber boots by the front door so she wouldn’t forget to bring them. They were still sitting by the front door. She wished now for her warm ski suit and wool cap, but she’d left them at her mother’s last year when she went skiing for the last time.

  She tried the radio again. The static was worse than before. So was the snow and ice caking her windshield. She had to stop and clean the blades or she was going to have an accident. With the faint glow of the taillights in front of her, Mo steered the Cherokee to the right. She pressed her flasher button, then waited to see if a car would pass her on the left and how much room she had to exit the car. The parka hood flew backward, exposing her head and face to the snowy onslaught. She fumbled with the wipers and the scraper. The swath they cleared was almost minuscule. God, what was she to do? Get off the damn road at the very next exit and see if she could find shelter? There was always a gas station or truck stop. The problem was, how would she know when she came to an exit?

  Panic rivered through her when she got back into the Jeep. Her leather gloves were soaking wet. She peeled them off, then tossed them onto the backseat. She longed for her padded ski gloves and a cup of hot tea.

  Mo drove for another forty minutes, stopping again to scrape her wipers and windshield. She was fighting a losing battle and she knew it. The wind was razor sharp, the snow coming down harder. This wasn’t just a winter storm, it was a blizzard. People died in blizzards. Some fool had even made a movie about people eating other people when a plane crashed during a blizzard. She let the panic engulf her again. What was going to happen to her? Would she run out of gas and freeze to death? Who would find her? When would they find her? On Christmas Day? She imagined her parents’ tears, their recriminations.

  All of a sudden she realized there were no lights in front of her. She’d been so careful to stay a car length and a half behind the car in front. She pressed the accelerator, hoping desperately to keep up. God in heaven, was she off the road? Had she crossed the Delaware Bridge? Was she on the Jersey side? She simply didn’t know. She
tried the radio again and was rewarded with squawking static. She turned it off quickly. She risked a glance in her rearview mirror. There were no faint lights. There was nothing behind her. She moaned in fear. Time to stop, get out and see what she could see.

  Before she climbed from the car, she unzipped her duffel bag sitting on the passenger side. She groped for a T-shirt and wrapped it around her head. Maybe the parka hood would stay on with something besides her silky hair to cling to. Her hands touched a pair of rolled-up sleep sox. She pulled them on. Almost as good as mittens. Did she have two pairs? She found a second pair and pulled them on. She flexed her fingers. No thumb holes. Damn. She remembered the manicure scissors she kept in her purse. A minute later she had thumb holes and was able to hold the steering wheel tightly. Get out, see what you can see. Clean the wipers, use that flashlight. Try your high beams.

  Mo did all of the above. Uncharted snow. No one had gone before her. The snow was almost up to her knees. If she walked around, the snow would go down between her boots and stirrup pants. Knee-highs. Oh, God! Her feet would freeze in minutes. They might not find her until the spring thaw. Where was she? A field? The only thing she knew for certain was, she wasn’t on any kind of a road.

  “I hate you, Keith Mitchell. I mean, I really hate you. This is all your fault! No, it isn’t,” she sobbed. “It’s my fault for being so damn stupid. If you loved me, you’d wait for me. Tonight was just a time. My mother would tell you I was delayed because of the storm. You could stay at my mother’s or go to your mother’s. If you loved me. I’m sitting here now, my life in danger, because…I wanted to believe you loved me. The way I love you. Christmas miracles, my ass!”

  Mo shifted gears, inching the Cherokee forward.

  How was it possible, Mo wondered, to be so cold and yet be sweating? She swiped at the perspiration on her forehead with the sleeve of her parka. In her whole life she’d never been this scared. If only she knew where she was. For all she knew, she could be driving into a pond or a lake. She shivered. Maybe she should get out and walk. Take her chances in the snow. She was in a no-win situation and she knew it. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

  Maybe the snow wasn’t as deep as she thought it was. Maybe it was just drifting in places. She was saved from further speculation when the Cherokee bucked, sputtered, slugged forward, and then came to a coughing stop. Mo cut the engine, fear choking off her breathing. She waited a second before she turned the ignition key. She still had a gas reserve. The engine refused to catch and turn over. She turned off the heater and the wipers, then tried again with the same results. The decision to get out of the car and walk was made for her.

  Mo scrambled over the backseat to the cargo area. With cold, shaking fingers she worked the zippers on her suitcases. She pulled thin, sequined sweaters—that would probably give her absolutely no warmth—out of the bag. She shrugged from the parka and pulled on as many of the decorative designer sweaters as she could. Back in her parka, she pulled knee-high stockings and her last two pairs of socks over her hands. It was better than nothing. As if she had choices. The keys to the Jeep went into her pocket. The strap of her purse was looped around her neck. She was ready. Her sigh was as mighty as the wind howling about her as she climbed out of the Cherokee.

  The wind was sharper than a butcher knife. Eight steps in the mid-thigh snow and she was exhausted. The silk scarf she’d tied around her mouth was frozen to her face in the time it took to take those eight steps. Her eyelashes were caked with ice as were her eyebrows. She wanted to close her eyes, to sleep. How in the hell did Eskimos do it? A gurgle of hysterical laughter erupted in her throat.

  The laughter died in her throat when she found herself face-down in a deep pile of snow. She crawled forward. It seemed like the wise thing to do. Getting to her feet was the equivalent of climbing Mt. Rushmore. She crab-walked until her arms gave out on her, then she struggled to her feet and tried to walk again. She repeated the process over and over until she was so exhausted she simply couldn’t move. “Help me, someone. Please, God, don’t let me die out here like this. I’ll be a better person, I promise. I’ll go to church more often. I’ll practice my faith more diligently. I’ll try to do more good deeds. I won’t be selfish. I swear to You, I will. I’m not just saying this, either. I mean every word.” She didn’t know if she was saying the words or thinking them.

  A violent gust of wind rocked her backward. Her back thumped into a tree, knocking the breath out of her. She cried then, her tears melting the crystals on her lashes.

  “Help!” she bellowed. She shouted until she was hoarse.

  Time lost all meaning as she crawled along. There were longer pauses now between the time she crawled on all fours and the time she struggled to her feet. She tried shouting again, her cries feeble at best. The only person who could hear her was God, and He seemed to be otherwise occupied.

  Mo stumbled and went down. She struggled to get up, but her legs wouldn’t move. In her life she’d never felt the pain that was tearing away at her joints. She lifted her head and for one brief second she thought she saw a feeble light. In the time it took her heart to beat once, the light was gone. She was probably hallucinating. Move! her mind shrieked. Get up! They won’t find you till the daffodils come up. They’ll bury you when the lilacs bloom. That’s how they’ll remember you. They might even print that on your tombstone. “Help me. Please, somebody help me!”

  She needed to sleep. More than anything in the world she wanted sleep. She was so groggy. And her heart seemed to be beating as fast as a racehorse’s at the finish line. How was that possible? Her heart should barely be beating. Get the hell up, Morgan. Now! Move, damn you!

  She was up. She was so cold. She knew her body heat was leaving her. Her clothes were frozen to her body. She couldn’t see at all. Move, damn you! You can do it. You were never a quitter, Morgan. Well, maybe where Keith was concerned. You always managed, somehow, to see things through to a satisfactory conclusion. She stumbled and fell, picked herself up with all the willpower left in her numb body, fell again. This time she couldn’t get up.

  A vision of her parents standing over her closed coffin, the room filled with lilacs, appeared behind her closed lids. Her stomach rumbled fiercely and then she was on her feet, her lungs about to burst with her effort.

  The snow and wind lashed at her like a tidal wave. It slammed her backward and beat at her face and body. Move! Don’t stop now! Go, go, go, go.

  “Help!” she cried. She was down again, on all fours. She shook her head to clear it.

  She sensed movement. “Please,” she whimpered, “help me.” She felt warm breath, something touched her cheek. God. He was getting ready to take her. She cried.

  “Woof!”

  A dog! Man’s best friend. Her best friend now. “You aren’t better than God, but you’ll damn well do,” Mo gasped. “Do you understand? I need help. Can you fetch help?” Mo’s hands reached out to the dog, but he backed away, woofing softly. Maybe he was barking louder and she couldn’t hear it over the sound of the storm. “I’ll try and follow you, but I don’t think I’ll make it.” The dog barked again and as suddenly as he appeared, he was gone.

  Mo howled her despair. She knew she had to move. The dog must live close by. Maybe the light she’d seen earlier was a house and this dog lived there. Again, she lost track of time as she crawled forward.

  “Woof, woof, woof.”

  “You came back!” She felt her face being licked, nudged. There was something in the dog’s mouth. Maybe something he’d killed. He licked her. He put something down, picked it up and was trying to give it to her. “What?”

  The dog barked, louder, backing up, then lunging at her, thrusting whatever he had in his mouth at her. She reached for it. A ribbon. And then she understood. She did her best to loop it around her wrist, crawling on her hands and knees after the huge dog.

  Time passed—she didn’t know how much. Once, twice, three times, the dog had to get down on all fours and nudge her, the f
rozen ribbon tickling her face. At one point when she was down and didn’t think she would ever get up, the dog nipped her nose, barking in her ear. She obeyed and moved.

  And then she saw the windows full of bright yellow light. She thought she saw a Christmas tree through the window. The dog was barking, urging her to follow him. She snaked after him on her belly, praying, thanking God, as she went along.

  A doggie door. A large doggie door. The dog went through it, barking on the other side. Maybe no one was home to open the door to her. Obviously, the dog intended her to follow. When in Rome…She pushed her way through.

  The heat from the huge, blazing fire in the kitchen slammed into her. Nothing in the world ever felt this good. Her entire body started to tingle. She rolled over, closer to the fire. It smelled of pine and something else, maybe cinnamon. The dog barked furiously as he circled the rolling girl. He wanted something, but she didn’t know what. She saw it out of the corner of her eye—a large, yellow towel. But she couldn’t reach it. “Push it here,” she said hoarsely. The dog obliged.

  “Well, Merry Christmas,” a voice said behind her. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here to welcome you, but I was showering and dressing at the back end of the house. I just assumed Murphy was barking at some wild animal. Do you always make this kind of entrance? Mind you, I’m not complaining. Actually, I’m delighted that I’ll have someone to share Christmas Eve with. I’m sorry I can’t help you, but I think you should get up. Murphy will show you the way to the bedroom and bath. You’ll find a warm robe. Just rummage for whatever you want. I’ll have some warm food for you when you get back. You are okay, aren’t you? You need to move, get your circulation going again. Frostbite can be serious.”

  “I got lost and your dog found me,” Mo whispered.

  “I pretty much figured that out,” the voice chuckled.

  “You have a nice voice,” Mo said sleepily. “I really need to sleep. Can’t I just sleep here in front of this fire?”