Seasons of Her Life Read online

  Ruby would have agreed to anything just to get out of Amber’s sight. She hadn’t had to lie outright, either, which had to mean Amber had plans of her own. From the looks of things, Andrew Blue was going to give her more than one alibi.

  How was she ever going to juggle things to keep everyone happy? Ruby made a mental note to start writing things down, and that thought reminded her to write to Opal and her grandmother.

  Ruby left the Y at eleven o’clock to stop at a deli on Ninth Street, where she filled Nola’s sewing basket with a delectable lunch. She dropped the two letters she’d written in a mailbox on the way. She’d planned on walking to the zoo, but the basket was heavier than she anticipated, so she turned right on Connecticut Avenue and boarded the trolley that would leave her off at Woodley Road and the entrance to the zoo.

  She felt wonderful. The sun was definitely out now, the sky a rich blue with marshmallow clouds. She looked good, too, she thought, in her pink-and-blue plaid playsuit. Nola had sewn inch-wide white rick-rack around the legs, the collar, and pockets to give the outfit a touch of what she called Rubyism. She’d even lent Ruby her white sandals, which she’d polished till they looked almost new, and two combs for her hair.

  Ruby craned her neck over the visiting throngs of tourists, parents, toddlers, and infants in buggies. Ahead she could hear the tinny music of an organ grinder. Thick, earthy, musty smells assaulted her as she searched for a bench. She wished she had sunglasses.

  After what seemed a long time later, Ruby stopped an elderly couple to ask the time. “One o’clock, dear,” the white-haired lady said gently. “Are you waiting for someone?”

  Ruby flushed, and her gaze dropped to the picnic hamper.

  “Perhaps your friend is waiting at one of the other entrances.”

  “Other entrance?” Ruby said blankly. “You mean there’s more than one entrance?”

  “Yes, child.” With the help of her husband, the woman offered directions to Hawthorne and Cathedral. Ruby sprinted off, the picnic basket banging against her legs.

  He had to be there. Surely he would wait. She felt stupid; she should have checked to see if there were other entrances. By now Calvin should have done the same thing. “He probably thinks I stood him up,” Ruby muttered as she careened around a fat lady tottering after two dogs snarling in their leashes.

  Ruby and Calvin spotted each other at the same time. The annoyance Ruby felt disappeared as soon as she saw the anxiety leave Calvin’s face.

  “I was waiting at the Woodley Road entrance,” she said breathlessly. Her tone was sharper than she intended. He should have known about the entrances.

  “I’m sorry. It never occurred to me that there might be more than one entrance. I’ve never been here. I thought that maybe you had decided today wasn’t such a good idea after all.” He was so apologetic, so ... obsequious that Ruby’s eyes sparkled with irritation.

  “You aren’t going to pull that ... you’re better than me routine, are you?” Ruby demanded. “You made a mistake and so did I. Let’s forget it, okay?” she said.

  Calvin reached down for Ruby’s hand. “I would have come looking for you,” he blurted out.

  It was a lie, she decided. He would have waited till four o’clock in the hot sun because he couldn’t bear to search Ruby out for fear she’d stood him up.

  “When?” Ruby teased. “When would you have started looking? You know, Calvin, sometimes there are extenuating circumstances. For instance, if something came up, say I got sick or something. There is no way I can get in touch with you. I wouldn’t know who to call to ask for you at the base.”

  “I know. I guess it’s just hard for me to believe you ... want to go out with me,” Calvin said miserably, his grasp on her hand tighter.

  For a fleeting instant Ruby felt as though she were the protector, motherly somehow, to this shy young man. To a degree she understood his feelings of insecurity; after all, who was more insecure than she was? She had to bring a smile to Calvin’s face so their day wouldn’t be ruined.

  “I wish I had a camera so I could take your picture, Calvin.”

  “To remember me by?” Calvin asked, tight-lipped.

  “No, well, yes, in a way. You see, I bought this photo album for my sister, but she was so nasty, I never gave it to her. Kind of silly, huh? Anyway, you look so handsome in your summer blues, I wanted you to be my first picture. If I had a camera.”

  “I have a camera. I’ll bring it next time, okay?”

  “I’ll buy the film,” Ruby volunteered. “We’ll get two sets of prints, one for you, one for me.”

  “Sounds good. I’ll bring it tomorrow. We’re still on, aren’t we?”

  “Let’s sit over here on this bench, Calvin. I have to talk to you about something. I don’t want you to get upset or anything, but I know you will. At first I was going to make up a story, tell you a lie so I wouldn’t hurt your feelings, but you’re twenty-four years old,” Ruby said as though that would make her explanation more tolerable. “Hold my hand and look at me while I explain. And don’t be a shithead,” she said, using one of Captain Dennison’s favorite expressions.

  Calvin listened, his face glum, as Ruby told him what she was going to do in order to keep seeing him. His expression told her he didn’t like it, not one damn bit, but he nodded. “How often will you be seeing this guy?”

  “As little as possible. Calvin, I don’t want to go back home. I have to do this.”

  Calvin looked at her, saying nothing.

  “Are you going to see ... other girls?” Ruby asked hesitantly.

  “Hell no. No one is breathing down my neck. I can do whatever I want. It’s all right, Ruby, I understand.”

  “Listen, I’ve had enough of the zoo. Let’s go to the park, I’m getting hungry.”

  His breath exploded in a loud sigh as he reached down to take Ruby’s hand. When they reached the park, they found themselves among other couples with picnic baskets looking for a shady spot and privacy. Overhead, birds chittered and squirrels scampered. Ruby laughed and pointed at a baby squirrel that wasn’t as fast on his feet as his companions. Calvin stopped and watched. He felt light-headed when Ruby leaned against his shoulder.

  He was meticulous, Ruby noticed as he spread the blanket, careful to smooth the corners and wrinkles in the center. As Ruby set out the food, Calvin arranged it geometrically. She felt irritated and didn’t know why. This was a picnic, not a military drill. Picnics were supposed to be fun, haphazard. Poor Calvin. She wondered what Calvin would do if ants invaded the blanket. Probably panic and shake out the blanket and find a different spot. She couldn’t help but laugh at the thought.

  An hour later, with no sign of ants, Ruby gathered up the crumbs from their sandwiches and set them on waxed paper at the edge of the blanket. “A detour of sorts.” She giggled. When she turned to face Calvin he was leaning against the tree. Panic seized her. Where was she to sit? His broad back covered the tree trunk. She’d noticed other couples; sometimes the girl had her head in the guy’s lap and sometimes the guy had his head in the girl’s lap. Whichever way it went, she supposed she was safe.

  Calvin motioned for her to sit next to him. He inched his arm up around her. She leaned against him.

  Ruby’s heart thumped in her chest. This was real ... she was actually sitting with a guy whose arms were around her, and if she was any judge, he was going to kiss her any minute. She sensed that Calvin was no more experienced in the kissing department than she was, so they would probably make a mess of it, but that was okay. They would go slowly and learn together. She felt safe with him. Andrew Blue would touch, or try to, but not Calvin. Damn, she hated it when the marine crept into her thoughts. She snuggled closer, her eyes on the couple down the hill. Talk about a clinch. Mesmerized, she watched a flash of tawny legs as the girl moved and thrashed about on the blanket. The fella seemed to have four hands, and they were everywhere. She heard Calvin suck in his breath and realized his arm had tightened its hold. She burrowed d
eeper into his arms; strange feelings rushed through her, feelings she knew her father would call sinful.

  Ruby raised her head. From this angle Calvin’s eyes didn’t seem so narrow, and they were definitely full of some feeling. The word lust ricocheted around her mind. What was he seeing in her eyes? She had no time to think about it because he was kissing her, his lips mashing her own, but he was off the mark by half an inch. Laughter bubbled in her throat, but died when his tongue parted her lips.

  She pressed closer, twisting slightly so that their lips were even. Her arms reached out to circle his back, bringing her closer still. She tasted apple on his tongue.

  Calvin’s sudden yelp of surprise startled Ruby. Flushed, she reared back, aware that her hipbone was grinding into Calvin’s groin. She was responsible for the hard bulge in his uniform trousers.

  “Jesus,” he groaned, and turned away from her.

  “What’s wrong?” Ruby demanded.

  “There’s nothing wrong,” he said. “It’s just that you’re a good girl, and guys have ... what they do is they ... they muck around with girls who don’t care. You care, I know you do. That marine you’re going out with tomorrow is that kind of guy. I’m not.”

  “How do you know that?” Ruby demanded, not liking this turn in their conversation.

  “I know, that’s all. I bunk with guys like him. All they do is screw around and talk about their scores over breakfast, lunch, and dinner. They don’t say nice things, either.”

  Ruby digested the information. Calvin respected her. That was good.

  “I think we should kiss some more. Not right now or even today,” Ruby said hesitantly, “but one of these days. How else will we get to know if we really do like one another?”

  “I know now and I do like you. If I thought you could ever be serious about someone like me, I could even see us married someday. We’d have a girl who looks like you and a boy who looks like both of us.”

  Ruby stared intently into Calvin’s eyes. “Why don’t you want the boy to look like you? If we got married, I’d want him to look like you.”

  “I don’t want him to go through what I’ve gone through. I don’t want him to be different.”

  “I’d want him to look just like you,” Ruby said softly, “and I’d make sure every day of his life that he knew he was the greatest person in the world. I could do it, too. My children are not going to be raised the way I was. I’m going to love them and do things with them, and I’m always going to listen when they tell me something. I’ll never be too busy when they want to confide. I’ll be their parent and their friend, too. I know I can do both. What kind of parent do you think you’ll be?” she asked breathlessly.

  “Strict.”

  “Not if you marry me,” Ruby said blandly. “On the other hand, I might never get married.”

  Calvin’s face fell. “Why?”

  “For one thing, I don’t ever want to have the kind of marriage my parents have. I think they hate each other. My grandparents had a wonderful marriage. They laughed a lot and touched one another. You have to love someone a lot to get married.” She wondered what kind of marriage Calvin’s parents had and if he would volunteer or confide in her. She waited, but he remained quiet and thoughtful.

  Finally, instead of answering, Calvin leaned over and kissed her full on the lips. It was a sweet, gentle kiss that spoke of many things and promised even more.

  When they moved apart, Ruby’s eyes were shining. “I liked that,” she said with no trace of embarrassment.

  Calvin threw back his head and laughed so hard, tears came to his eyes. It was a moment Ruby treasured, and it stayed with her for the rest of her life.

  “Come on, I’m taking you out to dinner, so put on your lipstick. Is there someplace we can ditch this picnic basket without going back to the Y?”

  “Dinner? You mean in a big restaurant or the Hot Shoppe?”

  “Hogates on the Potomac, Ninth and Maine Avenue. South-west. Best seafood in town. I think you’ll like it. Unless there’s someplace else you’d rather go?”

  “It’s the company that counts, and if you’re paying, it should be your choice.” A dinner date. Wait till she told Nola and her grandmother. She didn’t like fish all that much, but if Calvin did, she would learn to like it.

  “How about Chinese food, then?” Calvin said, as if he couldn’t make up his mind.

  “If you really mean it, then I’d love to! I’ve never been to a Chinese restaurant. Are you sure?”

  “Of course I’m sure. We’ll go to the Dragon. Next week we can go someplace else.”

  When they were outside the Dragon, Ruby looked pointedly at the picnic basket. “I’ll tell them we have our favorite cat in here,” Calvin said, flipping the lid. “Or should I look the guy in the eye and stare him down and mumble something about military secrets?”

  “I like the one with the cat.” Ruby giggled. He had a sense of humor, too, Ruby thought happily. Damn, her world was so right, it was scary.

  An elderly Chinese man with a long, straggly beard looked at the basket but made no comment. Calvin raised his eyes and Ruby giggled.

  Ruby ordered chop suey and Calvin ordered chow mein. They ate from each other’s plates and drank the entire pot of tea. The litchi nuts were sweet and wet. She loved them and ate six. Calvin ate two. They saved the fortune cookies till last.

  “You read yours first, Calvin.”

  Calvin snapped open the crusty cookie and stared down at the message.

  “Well, what does it say?” Ruby demanded excitedly.

  Calvin cleared his throat twice. “It says, ‘Your true love sits next to you.’ ” Calvin flushed, knowing his ears were as red as apples.

  “That’s so romantic.” She broke her cookie open, certain it was going to echo Calvin’s message. She read it twice and then a third time. “It says, ‘You’re almost there.’ What do you suppose that means? Oh, well, I guess we shouldn’t take this too seriously. Can I have yours? I’ll paste them in my album.”

  She watched Calvin deflate before her eyes. He puffed up immediately when he realized Ruby was staring at him.

  “I think,” he said loftily, “there was a slight printing error.”

  “I think so, too,” Ruby laughed as she pocketed both messages.

  It was twenty minutes of nine when they parted, Ruby to the Y and Calvin, back to the base, as he had to go on duty at eleven. Ruby turned at the last minute and called, “I’ll think about you tomorrow. If you want to call me at the Y tomorrow night, I’ll be in the lobby at ten o’clock.”

  “I will,” Calvin shouted.

  The night was warm and comfortable, as warm and comfortable as having Ruby sitting next to him in the park. He craned his neck to see the millions of tiny stars overhead, knowing Ruby was probably looking at them just the way he was. Right now, this very second, he believed he could do anything, be anything he wanted if Ruby believed in him. It occurred to him that Ruby was a crutch to lean on. He slumped down on the seat. Ruby didn’t need a crutch. Guts, she said. Ruby was tough where it counted, like some of the guys in his outfit. But she was soft, too, incredibly soft and gentle, and he loved her sense of humor. She’d made him laugh out loud. He couldn’t remember when he’d laughed like that. Years and years ago. Far too long to be so serious and miserable. God, he was happy. Tomorrow night he would be even happier when he talked to Ruby at ten o’clock and she told him what a miserable time she had with the marine.

  Calvin continued to watch the dark night through the bus windows as he plotted the marine’s death in fifty different ways. Ruby was his, that’s all there was to it. She’d even said she would think about him tomorrow.

  Before going on duty, Calvin showered and dressed in a clean uniform. He was as meticulous with his dress as he was with everything in his life. He wanted no condemnations, no questioning glances. He wanted to blend in, to be unobtrusive yet noticed at the same time.

  Satisfied with his appearance, he left his quarters and
did double time to the office, where he would spend the next eight hours.

  It wasn’t until he was settled behind his desk that a terrible thought struck him. He couldn’t be the rock, the stable force for Ruby that most men were for their girls, though only to himself would he admit that. In order to be that way he had to be in control of his own life, and he wasn’t. What bothered him more was the realization that Ruby was her own rock. She didn’t need his support. The thought that his girl didn’t need him caused perspiration to bead on his forehead. Today she’d spent a lot of time bolstering his ego, and like a jellyfish, he’d let her. He’d needed her strength, her little pep talks. She made him feel like a real person, like a white person. It occurred to him at some point, when he was halfway through the duty rosters, that in a way he was using Ruby, but he pushed the thought so far back into his mind, he immediately forgot it.

  The moment Ruby struggled to wakefulness, she knew it was going to be a miserable day. Her small room was filled with gloomy early morning shadows. She propped herself on her elbow and squinted to see through the slats of the opened venetian blind. Outside, the day looked gray. She listened intently for the sounds of birds but heard nothing.

  She didn’t want to get up, didn’t want to meet Andrew Blue, or go to church. She wanted to lie in bed and think about Calvin. She felt warm all over when she remembered the way it felt to kiss him. She smiled at the memory of his red ears. Her breathing quickened when she recalled the frenzied couple down the hill from where they sat. She mouthed the word sex several times, then said it aloud. Her face grew warm.

  Ruby burrowed her face into her pillow to stifle her laughter as she imagined herself and Calvin having sex. He was so meticulous, he would probably want to wear his spiffy, pressed uniform during the entire act. And even if he didn’t, Calvin was as virginal as she was. The stupid leading the ignorant.

  Andrew Blue, on the other hand, struck her as experienced. She knew that before the end of the day, he would try something with her. She wondered how she would handle him. She wanted to know how a man’s hands would feel on her so she would know how to react when Calvin got around to it.