Fearless Page 5

  “I’m not sure that’s called for,” Ryan said. Anna detected a trace of disapproval in his tone.

  Anna spoke up, saying, “It’s perfectly fine.” She shot Ryan a warning look. She’d just met this guy five minutes ago, and he had no say over what she or anyone connected to her said.

  He held both hands up. “I’m so sorry, I don’t know what came over me. Talk of my daughter, I guess. Donal, accept my apology.”

  “Of course, sir,” Donal replied, then focused his attention on Anna. “What about drinks? We have every imaginable drink in the world.”

  “Just ginger ale for me,” Anna said.

  “I’ll have the same,” Ryan said, not looking at Donal.

  Dismissive, Anna thought now, wishing she’d been more discerning when it came to inviting this stranger to dinner. It wasn’t like she had a lot of experience in this area.

  Unsure of what to say, she said nothing. Good advice from her mother.

  “I seem to have offended you, Anna. I am so very sorry. I confess that Renée was on my mind. She’s become boy-crazy, and I’m having a hard time dealing with it and took my insecurities out on poor Donal.”

  “I’ve yet to go through the boy phase with my daughter, but I’m sure it’s right around the corner. I gave her a kitten for her thirteenth birthday. Most of her energy is focused on him, so I guess I’m lucky.” Briefly, Anna wondered how Mr. Waffles was adapting to vacation life.

  “Renée is allergic to cats,” Ryan said.

  “I’m sorry” was all she could think to say though she knew it was a fairly common allergy.

  “She did have a bird once. A parakeet she called Mrs. Peck. Poor bird died after three weeks. She’s never wanted an animal since.”

  Donal returned with their ginger ale and two small menus. “Whenever you’re ready,” he said, then left them alone.

  “That’s too bad,” Anna continued. “Poor girl. We’ve always had animals, though this is the first animal that she has complete responsibility for. So far, it’s been good for her. I imagine that when school starts, we’ll have to make an adjustment.”

  “How so?” Ryan asked.

  Anna did her best to keep from stating the obvious without appearing rude. “I’ll have to take care of Mr. Waffles while she’s at school,” she explained. “It’s no problem since I work from home.”

  “You work from home? I thought The Simple Life was recorded in a studio?”

  She smiled. “Lucky for me, I have a studio at home.” She thought all her fans knew this. “The best of both worlds. It can get hectic at times, trying to balance work and home, but it’s working, and I’m sure it will continue for as long as I need it to.” Hearing her stomach growl, she took a sip of ginger ale, somehow managing to knock her flatware onto the floor. She bent down to retrieve it, knowing Donal would provide another set. “I think we should order now. I don’t know about you, but I’m famished.”

  Ryan tossed his head back, laughing. “No one is famished on a cruise,” he said. He felt around for something in his shirt pocket, yet Anna saw nothing in his hand. Maybe a former smoker, feeling for a pack of cigarettes in his pocket.

  She couldn’t help but laugh. Mandy told her she’d probably gain five pounds on this cruise. So far, she had only eaten the eggs and avocados and a couple of bites of fruit. He didn’t need to know that. “I’m afraid I spent my time on the balcony, relaxing and drinking coffee from that super fancy espresso machine in my cabin.”

  “You’re staying in one of those rooms?”

  Anna was sure she heard a note of criticism in his voice. “Lucky me,” she replied again.

  “I guess so,” he replied. “I’m on a lower deck.” He stopped as if considering his next words. “I was told there wasn’t anything available on the upper deck, though I admit this was a last-minute trip. A birthday gift from my coworkers.”

  “Nice gift, and happy birthday,” she said, then took a sip of her ginger ale. “My cabin is more like an apartment. Really more space than one person needs, but it’s there, and I’ll just rotate the bedrooms at night.” She chuckled. “Keep my cabin stewards on their toes with all the bed changes.”

  “Maybe you’ll show it to me sometime,” he said.

  Anna felt her cheeks flush, her heart quickening. Unsure what to say, again, she took her mother’s advice again and said nothing.

  He stared at her, his royal blue eyes darkening as he held her gaze. “I’ve done it again,” he said, breaking the uncomfortable silence. “It’s been a very long while since I’ve done . . . this.” He placed a hand on his chest, then held it out in her direction. “I’ll leave you alone, now.”

  When he pushed out his chair, preparing to leave, Anna spoke, “No, don’t. I understand what you’re trying to say. I’m in the same boat.” She shook her head. “Not sure if that pun was intended, but don’t leave. Stay. Have dinner with me,” she added, hoping she didn’t sound desperate. She didn’t want to be alone then. She suddenly didn’t feel well but kept quiet.

  “If I put my foot in my mouth again, please give me a good kick under the table. As I said, it’s been a while.”

  Part of her liked the fact he hadn’t been on the dating scene, had been busy caring for his children instead. Without knowing the circumstances in which he became a single parent, from her own experience, it wasn’t easy being both mother and father. This was why they had singles cruises—it wasn’t easy to put oneself out there, especially when you’re a certain age. “It’s fine,” she said.

  Once again, Donal returned to the table. The dining room had started to fill up, the din of voices serving as a reminder that there were others Donal had to serve.

  “Are you all ready to order?” he asked.

  “I’m going with the poached salmon and the spinach-mango salad,” Anna said slowly. That was light and healthy. She wasn’t sure how much more food her stomach would handle as she’d only had a few bites of the eggs, avocados, and fruit earlier.

  Donal smiled. “Excellent choice.”

  “I’ll have what she’s having,” Ryan told Donal.

  “Very well,” Donal said.

  “Wasn’t that a line in a movie?” Anna asked as soon as Donal stepped away from the table. She felt dizzy; there was a definite buzz in her head.

  Ryan laughed. “I think so, but the title escapes me.”

  “So, tell me about your children,” Anna said, forcing herself to pay attention.

  He took a sip of his drink and said, “Where to start? Patrick is eighteen going on three, and Renée is a good kid, other than this new boy-crazy phase she’s going through.”

  She didn’t want to pry, but wondered why he compared his son to a three-year-old? Unless he had mental disabilities. But surely a parent wouldn’t be so crass as to make such a comparison? “Kids certainly keep us on our toes, don’t they?” Generic enough, thinking kids were supposed to keep them on their toes. If they didn’t, then something was wrong.

  “I wouldn’t have them any other way,” he agreed, then went on, “though Patrick has been a challenge. But he has a big heart. Sometimes too big.”

  Not wanting to ask what he meant by that statement, she knew that if she didn’t, it would be too obvious, so she asked in a singsong tone, grinning, “Can anyone ever have too big a heart?” She took another sip of her ginger ale. She was so thirsty. And tired. But she had promised Mandy she’d mingle.

  “No, you’re right. Patrick is testing the waters and, at times, does things without thinking of the consequences.”

  Anna found herself nodding. “As do most teenagers, according to what I hear. I’m sure my days are coming, but I’ve always told my daughter she can come to me with anything, even if she believes it’s something I’ll disapprove of.”

  He nodded. “Same here. Renée is very open with me. Patrick, as I said, he’s shy and keeps to himself, so it’s tough to get him to say or do much of anything. I’m hoping when he goes to college in the fall, he’ll open up and make
new friends. Find himself, I guess.”

  “That is an entirely different world. I’m sure once he gets used to being on his own, he’ll adapt. College life is completely different from high school,” she said, struggling to keep her composure.

  “Don’t I know it. I’m a math professor at Texas Tech,” he said, shaking his head from side to side. “Though I have a different opinion. I spend most of my days with college kids. Some adjust quite well, some don’t. It’s a tough adjustment period for any kid. I’m just hoping Patrick can handle it.”

  “Some young adults need time before starting college. I think it’s called a gap year. Going from high school to college is a big change, especially if they’re attending college in another state.” She took another sip of her ginger ale. “Will he be staying in Texas?”

  Ryan followed her moves, taking a sip from his glass. “Yes, he’s going to Texas Tech, though I’m not sure it’s the right fit for him. It’ll be great for me, financially, but I have reservations.”

  Would he think she was prying if she asked exactly what those reservations were?

  He must’ve read her mind. “Patrick has never been very outgoing; he’s spent most of his teenage years holed up in his room. I’ve sent him to several therapists, yet none have been able to correctly diagnose him with a specific mental or physical disorder. He goes to school, comes home, then we usually don’t see him until breakfast the next day. It’s gotten so bad, I actually put a mini fridge in his room and stocked it with snacks. He’s so thin, it worries me.” Ryan’s blue eyes darkened. “I’m betting this is not what you wanted to hear.”

  “No, it’s fine,” she said. “I don’t mean your situation, just that it’s okay to tell me.”

  Donal returned with their salads, putting a stop to their conversation. “Thank you,” Anna said, then dug into her salad as soon as he stepped away.

  Ryan seemed to mimic her movements. After several bites, he said, “It’s not an easy topic for a first date.”

  Did he think of this as a first date?

  She decided to let that comment slide. Maybe he simply needed someone to discuss his son’s problems with. Being in the public eye, Anna found that it was not uncommon that strangers felt like they knew her and would often reveal personal issues because they felt at ease. She had also had moments when she needed a shoulder to lean on, someone to take over the parenting when Christina’s behavior pushed her to the brink of a nervous breakdown. Fortunately, it didn’t happen all that often, as she was a pretty easygoing kid. Thankful for Mandy’s friendship during those times, she briefly wondered where she’d be without her, as Anna thought of her as family and couldn’t imagine a life that didn’t include her. Then there was Mona and Jeb, housekeeper, gardener, and as close to a mother and father as she had. She’d met them at the diner they owned when she was in college, before they sold it and came to work for her.

  Once again, Donal arrived at their table in time to prevent further discussion. “They tell me this is fresh from Alaska,” he said, placing the plates on the table. “You’ll tell me if this is accurate?” He grinned, letting them know he was teasing.

  “Absolutely,” Anna said, wanting to ask for another drink.

  Ryan took a bite of his salmon, dropping his fork. “This is cold.” He forced himself to swallow the rest of the salmon.

  “Yes, the menu said it was served chilled,” she reminded him.

  “Well, I guess this is on me since I was distracted,” he indicated.

  “It’s not for everyone. Why don’t you ask Donal for something else?” Anna pointed at his plate.

  He shook his head. “I’m not really hungry. The salad was enough.”

  Feeling silly sitting there with him watching her eat, she took a few more bites of the salmon, then pushed her plate aside. “A shame you don’t like this, as it’s excellent, just as Donal said.”

  The bubbly waiter returned to the table, offering a variety of desserts, but neither indulged. “Thanks, Donal. You can tell the chef the salmon was fantastic. And the salad was, too,” Anna said. The waiter removed their plates and gave a slight bow.

  “So, you want to watch the dancing contest? Together?” Ryan asked, as they left the main dining room.

  “As long as we’re just watching. Like I said, I’m not much of a dancer.”

  “I haven’t danced since”—he paused—“my wedding day.”

  Anna didn’t know how he expected her to respond, so she said, “I think that’s the dance one always remembers most.”

  “That was a very long time ago, and I’m here with you now,” he said, then took her hand in his, as though it were the most natural thing in the world to do. She didn’t mind either.

  “What do you think about skipping the contest and going to my cabin for an espresso?” she asked, feeling so light-headed that she wondered if she’d manage to make it to her room.

  “I think it’s the best idea I’ve heard all evening,” Ryan answered.

  Chapter 5

  When Anna awoke, her legs were twisted in the bedding. Struggling to untangle herself, a sharp, piercing pain in her head forced her to lie still. Taking a deep breath, she slowly exhaled, hoping to ride through the intense throbbing in her temples. Careful, so as not to worsen the pounding radiating throughout her skull, she maneuvered herself just enough to free up her legs. Fearful of further movement, as the pain seemed to worsen, she lay completely still until she felt she could move without intense pain. She opened her eyes, then immediately closed them. Light filtering in through the drapes felt like hot irons poking her eyes.

  What is wrong with me?

  Struggling through the pain, she forced herself upright to recline against the pillows, their softness odd against her skin. Her heart was beating so fast, she thought it would burst through her chest. Deep breath in, deep breath out, Anna was able to control her pulse to a tolerable level. Hands shaking, she fumbled for her cell phone on the night table beside the bed. Moving her hand side to side, she felt nothing. Hadn’t she left her phone on the charging station?

  Wait . . .

  Opening her eyes, Anna was shocked to discover she was not in her bedroom at home. Though it was painful, she glanced at her surroundings, moving her head left to right, and was overwhelmed with relief when she remembered she was in her cabin. The cruise ship. Pulse pounding, she forced herself to the edge of the bed. She was completely undressed, though she almost always slept in a nightshirt.

  Wait . . .

  She spied a puddle of bright yellow on the floor beside the bed. A small wad of cream-colored lingerie lay next to it. Straining to identify the material, she had a flash of wearing a bright yellow dress.

  She needed a shower and caffeine. Using laser-ike effort, Anna managed to stand for a few seconds before her muscles decided not to cooperate. On the floor, she pushed herself upright, leaning against the bed frame. Heart thumping, intent on avoiding a full-on panic attack, she went through her deep-breathing exercises. In and out, she slowly lowered her pounding heart rate a second time. Had she really invited Ryan back to her room with her? Had he invited himself? He must have slipped out already, left her alone. More deep breaths, and Anna was finally able to stand, and, though wobbly on her feet, she made it to the bathroom. Her stomach roiled, and she emptied its contents into the toilet bowl. She had been sick before. Did she have some kind of bug? One of those viruses that cruise ships were known for? Deciding that’s exactly what must be happening, she adjusted the taps in the shower and, with shaking legs, stood beneath its spray, hot water easing the cramps in her leg muscles, inner thighs, and, oddly, her buttocks. She eased down on the built-in seat, letting the water soothe her aches while she struggled to soothe her mind.

  The pulsating sensation in her head eased enough for her to step out of the shower. Wrapping a towel around her, she made her way to the small kitchen. Spying the espresso maker, she made fast work of brewing a cup of coffee. Sipping the hot brew, she went into the living are
a, then reclined on the sofa, her thoughts a kaleidoscope of images. The yellow dress, the dining room, and Ryan. What was she missing? Remembering the night before, undressing, she felt her face flush. She zoomed in on her private parts, feeling a tinge of a familiar soreness. One she hadn’t experienced in many years. She hadn’t been with a man since Wade, and she felt as if she’d betrayed him, betrayed Christina.

  “Shit!” she said out loud. “What have I done?”

  She suddenly felt an urge to get off the ship and leave it—and Ryan—behind.

  “Yes, that’s exactly what I’m going to do.” She did not feel safe aboard the ship anymore.

  Uncaring that she was still weak from vomiting, and her head still throbbing, she returned to the bedroom and easily located her clothes in the drawers and closet. She slipped into a pink lace bra with matching panties, a bon voyage gift from Mandy, and found the jeans she’d worn on the flight. Donning a light blue T-shirt and sneakers, and without bothering to organize her packing, as she would advise her viewers, she crammed her clothes into the open luggage she’d placed on the bed. Returning to the bathroom, she brushed her teeth, pinned her hair up in a clip, and tossed her toiletry bag in her luggage. Grabbing the yellow dress and lingerie off the floor, she threw that into her bag, then spied the silver clutch purse under the raised night table. Opening it, she saw her cruise card, a lip gloss, and her cell phone. She ran her finger across the screen. Nothing. The battery was dead. Scanning the room for her charger, she caught a glimpse of a long white charging cord on the built-in dresser. Plugging her phone in, she returned to the kitchen and brewed a second cup of coffee. She leaned against the counter while she sipped it, knowing it would take a good ten minutes for her to get a decent charge on the phone. Hoping she wasn’t going to be sick again but knowing her body needed fluids other than caffeine, she took a bottle of water from the refrigerator and gulped it down. Bringing her coffee into the bedroom, she saw that her phone was charged, with twenty-two percent power. Enough to make a phone call.