Seasons of Her Life Read online

  Admiral Query poked his head out of his office. Ruby almost giggled aloud when he jerked it back immediately. Like a turtle, she thought. He could have buzzed her, called out to her, but he said he preferred personal contact.

  Ruby got up and reached for her steno pad. “Do you want to dictate a letter, Admiral?”

  “No, Ruby, I want to talk to you. Do you think you could imagine me as a kindly uncle for just a few minutes?”

  Puzzled, Ruby nodded. “Is something wrong?”

  “I don’t know, Ruby. I’m concerned you might be making a serious mistake. You’re so young, child, you have your whole life ahead of you. Getting married is very serious decision. Children come along and money isn’t plentiful. You have to struggle and you get short-tempered. You’ll be moving around a lot, unable to put down roots. Your children will be constantly leaving friends behind. Have you thought all this through, Ruby?” Query said fretfully.

  “Yes, sir, I have. Are you really worried about me, Admiral Query?”

  “Hell, yes, I’m worried. If I had a daughter, I’d be saying these same things to her. Besides, I don’t want to lose you. You’re the best secretary I ever had. Still, if this is what you really want, then I won’t interfere. I know I said it might be a good idea to speak with your parents, but that was ... that was something I said in the heat of the moment. Out of concern. I want you to believe that.”

  “I do, Admiral, and I’m going to miss you, too. I’ll write. Will you write back?” Ruby smiled.

  “If they send me someone who knows how to type, I will. Even if they don’t, I’ll take pen in hand myself,” he chuckled.

  “I’ll look forward to your letters, Admiral.”

  “It will give me something to do. They’re getting ready to put me out to pasture, you know. They think I’m too old. Retirement. My wife thinks I’m looking forward to it. She’s dead wrong about that,” he grumbled good-naturedly.

  He was such a kind, gentle man, Ruby thought. So gallant and courtly. The word old-fashioned sprung to mind. Mrs. Query had told her once, when she had stopped by to take the admiral to lunch, that she’d never seen him without a tie, except when he went to bed. She told her other wonderful things about her husband and the way he treated the men under him. He never asked them to do anything he wouldn’t do himself, Mrs. Query said proudly. And he was a real family man with a great respect for women. He didn’t believe in divorce, and nothing made him angrier than spousal abuse.

  “You’re wool-gathering, Ruby,” the admiral said tartly.

  “I guess I was, I’m sorry. I was remembering what your wife said about you the second or third time I met her.”

  “I’ll bet she could find only good things to say, am I right?”

  “Wonderful things, Admiral Query. And I believe that she is looking forward to your retirement, even if you’re not. It will be nice for you both. You can travel together and do things as a couple. I think she’s lonely, Admiral.”

  “You do, do you?”

  “She told me so.”

  “Then why didn’t she tell me?”

  “I think she did, sir, but you didn’t hear her.”

  “It’s amazing, Ruby, how you managed to turn this conversation around to me and my wife. We need to get back to the matter at hand. I want to hear from you that you love this young man heart and soul, and I won’t interfere. You need to be sure, Ruby. Having a family is a sacred trust.”

  Ruby smiled. “I’m sure, Admiral Query and ... my family will be sacred. I know you’ve been polite about not asking me about my family back home, and I appreciate it. It wasn’t ... my parents don’t have the same kind of marriage you and Mrs. Query have. My father ... well, my father ... is ... he isn’t . . .”

  Query was off the chair before Ruby could finish talking. He wrapped the young girl in his arms. “I think I understand. But the words needed to be said. If there’s ever anything I or Mrs. Query can do, you have only to call on us. I want your promise that you will, Ruby.”

  Ruby wiped her eyes. “I promise.”

  “Now, freshen up and get ready to meet Mrs. Query for lunch. I have it on good authority she’s taking you to a wonderful restaurant. I’ll tell her myself we settled this little matter between us. She was worried about you being so far from home and all. Now, scat. Oh, do we have any licorice?”

  “Yes, but Mrs. Query said I wasn’t supposed to let you eat it,” Ruby giggled.

  “We won’t tell her. Fetch it, Ruby.”

  “One stick or two?”

  “Two, of course. And one for later.” He bowed, a courtly gesture that made Ruby giggle even more. “War is hell,” he muttered as she closed the office door behind her.

  Ruby’s relief was so great that she felt light-headed. Everything was going to be okay.

  Friday night didn’t prove the wonderful evening Ruby had planned. “We’re like two wet blankets,” she said as she sipped her cherry phosphate.

  “I’m sorry, Ruby, I get morning sickness that carries into the afternoon and evening. All damn day,” she said tiredly. “I can’t eat anything. But you go ahead.”

  “I’m not really hungry, either,” Ruby mumbled.

  “God, Ruby, what if I get sick on the bus tomorrow,” Nola said listlessly. “Where do you throw up on a bus?”

  “You open the window and stick your head out. What else can you do? Calvin’s going to meet us at the bus station. Here,” she said, slipping twenty-seven dollars across the table, “I wish it were more.”

  Nola’s eyes filled. “Ruby, how can I take this?”

  “You just take it, that’s how. I want you to have it, Nola. Now c’mon, let’s get out of here.”

  Ruby felt magnanimous when she paid the check. Nola was going to need every cent she could get her hands on. She wished she could look into the future to see if her friend would be all right, but she canceled the wish immediately. Nola would make it. She had pluck and grit, and she was smart. She also had a wonderful, loving family. She would be just fine.

  The following morning Calvin and Ruby watched as Nola boarded the bus that would take her to Michigan. Tears ran down both girls’ cheeks as they hugged each other, promising to write and keep in touch.

  “Be sure you let me know if it’s a girl or a boy so I can send something in the right color.”

  Ruby cried then as she’d never cried in her life, and the tears were still streaming down her cheeks when the bus pulled away from the underground lot out into the bright September sunshine.

  “Don’t cry, Ruby. You act as if she’s dead,” Calvin said. “She’s going away, that’s all. You can write to her every day. You’ll find a way to get together again someday.” His tone was almost petulant when he added, “I didn’t know you felt so strongly about her.”

  “She’s my friend, Calvin. She helped me. Really helped me. I’m not even going to try to explain.” She whirled to face Calvin. “On the other hand,” she said, blowing her nose lustily, “maybe I should explain.”

  Ruby pocketed her handkerchief. “Andrew Blue teases me about, being a hayseed, a hick from the sticks. I guess I am. I’m a small-town girl in a very big city. I came here, knowing my sister hates me, without a friend in the world. I had no job, and I looked like I just fell off the hay wagon. Nola made it possible for me to look like I knew how to dress as well as everyone else. My sister didn’t help me, or even care. But if I needed a quarter and Nola didn’t have it, she would borrow it from someone to give me. That’s the kind of person she is. Now she’s gone, and I feel bad. You have to care about people, Calvin, or you’re nothing but a robot. Sometimes I’d like to see you display a little emotion without fear of ... forget it.”

  Calvin stumbled over a culvert but righted himself. He looked chastised. “I can be your best friend, Ruby.”

  Ruby threw her arms around him. “You are, Calvin, but you’re a guy. Nola is a girl, and that’s different.”

  Then it occurred to her that Calvin worried that she was wrink
ling his tie and shirt collar, because he nodded and patted her on the head clumsily, then he tried to inch away. Poor Calvin. But couldn’t he understand? She had lost something when Nola left, something irreplaceable.

  When she found herself in front of the house she lived in, she hardly noticed the girls sitting on the stone wall. She thought she mumbled something as she made her way up the concrete steps. She barely glanced into the living room, where Amber was sitting with Nangi.

  Inside her room she threw herself on the bed, buried her face in her pillow, and howled her grief at Nola’s departure. Or was her grief misdirected? She didn’t know and didn’t care.

  After a while, Ruby dragged herself off the bed to the bathroom. Her eyes were puffy and red. She made a face at herself. She looked so ugly, how could Calvin love her? Why did he love her? Before she knew what was happening she heard herself answering her own question. “Because he needs my strength. I’m stronger and tougher than he is. I mother him and pat him on the back and tell him he’s wonderful. That’s why.”

  Ruby sat down on the edge of the bathtub and dropped her head into her hands.

  “But does Calvin love you? Does he really love you the way Paul Zachary loves Grace?” she asked herself.

  “He says he does,” Ruby murmured fretfully.

  “Do you believe him?” the voice pressed.

  “He wouldn’t lie about that.”

  “What about you, Ruby? Do you love Calvin?”

  “Of course I do. I wouldn’t marry him if I didn’t love him.”

  “Sure you would,” the voice needled. “You’ll do anything to get away from your parents. Anything.”

  Ruby snorted. “I’m already away and I’m happy here. I don’t have to get married to get away.”

  “Sure, sure,” the voice whispered, “but if you’re married, your father can’t snatch you away and take you back. He still holds that power over you as long as you’re here . . . anywhere. Admit it, you’re fascinated with Calvin’s culture, with him. You like playing the strong one, the one who can make it all come out right. You like taking care of him. You like pretending he’s your brother, your father, your youngest uncle. You like it that he’s gone to college even though it made you feel inferior at first, and you like it that he’s a snappy lieutenant without a lick of common sense. That’s where you excel, Ruby. Do you want to go through life nurturing a misfit? Do you want to go through life picking him up and dusting him off every time his feelings are hurt? He’s a weak sister, Ruby.”

  “Shut up!” Ruby said through clenched teeth. “Just shut the hell up!”

  “Okay, I’ll shut up,” the voice whispered, “but not until you tell me why. Why do you love him? Or like him? Or feel sorry for him? Just tell me why.”

  “I like the way he makes me feel wanted. I feel good when he reaches out to touch me. He’s gentle and kind. When my father’s hand came out, he used it to slap me. I love Calvin and I’m going to marry him. Now leave me alone, I’m going to bed.”

  The following day, Ruby cut her lunch hour short to return to her desk and write a letter to Grace Zachary, which she slipped into the outgoing mail. She looked at the office clock and decided she had time to write to Opal and her grandmother as well. A newsy letter to Opal full of trivia and lightness, but nothing about Calvin. That would be too much of a risk.

  At four o’clock the phone on her desk rang. “Admiral Query’s line,” she said in her professional office voice.

  “Ruby, this is Calvin.” Ruby’s heart thumped, certain he was calling to tell her he had changed his mind. It irritated her that he always announced himself so formally. “Listen, sweetheart”—and that was another thing she hated, being called sweetheart; she had a name, didn’t she? “I don’t know how this happened, but I won’t be going on the MATS flight to California. I’m to take a commercial flight, so I can go with you. I know the plan was for you to leave a week after me, but this is better. I have enough money for you to stay in a hotel for a week. It’s wonderful, isn’t it, Ruby? Just five more days. I wanted to talk with you before I got your ticket. It’s okay, isn’t it?” he asked uncertainly.

  For a moment Ruby couldn’t breathe. “Uh-huh,” she mumbled.

  “I get it,” Calvin said happily, “your boss is close by. I’ll see you tomorrow night.”

  Ruby nodded, forgetting Calvin couldn’t see her. “Okay.” Five days. One hundred and twenty hours. Seven thousand two hundred minutes. Forty-three thousand—“Five days!” she yelped.

  Admiral Query stuck his bald head out of the office. “Is something wrong, Ruby?”

  “No, sir. I just made a mistake. I’ll fix it. I hate it when I make a mistake,” she mumbled.

  “No one is perfect, Ruby, not even me,” the admiral said.

  Ruby had hardly returned to her notepad when the phone rang at her elbow. Her voice sounded angry when she said, “Admiral Query’s line.”

  “Ruby,” the voice said briskly, “I’m calling to ask if you and your friend would like to double date tonight?”

  “I’m sorry, Andrew, but Nola went back to Michigan. I can meet you for coffee after work or for a bite to eat. If you want to.”

  “Sure I do. Don’t you have a class or something?”

  “Not tonight.”

  “How come you’re being so agreeable?” Andrew asked suspiciously. “You should be really ticked off at me.”

  “I was, but I’m not anymore. Listen, this isn’t my personal line. I can meet you at Sadie’s on K at five-thirty, or is that too early?”

  “Make it six and it’s a date. Did you get my flowers and candy?”

  “Yes. Thank you. I accept your apology. You didn’t have to do that, Andrew.” A third voice came on the line, listened a second or two, and then said, “Congratulations, young man. If you don’t make this girl happy, you’ll have to answer to me. War is hell, but then, you birds in the Air Force know all about that. Admiral Clark Query signing off for the U.S. Navy.”

  “What the hell . . .”

  “I have to go now. I’ll see you at six, Andrew,” Ruby said, her voice shrill with panic.

  Now she would have to tell him. Andrew was a wild card. What would he do with the information?

  Oh, God.

  Andrew Blue walked into Sadie’s, a deli bar, at fifteen minutes to six. He’d managed to hitch a ride into town with a major headed to Arlington. A cab brought him the rest of the way to Sadie’s door. He was so hot under the collar, he thought he would explode. All he’d done the whole afternoon was think about Admiral Clark Query’s words. He didn’t need to be a genius to understand what the old geezer said. Ruby was planning on marrying the flip and the squid knew all about it. If he hadn’t called, he probably never would have found out. Well, by God, now he knew. The question was, what was he going to do about it, if anything? Did he really care enough to kick up a fuss? The flip seemed to have the advantage and was running fast in the outside lane. Shit, he didn’t know he had to qualify. If he’d known, he would have given it everything he had. He knew how to win. His coach in junior high school had told him there were two kinds of people in the world: winners and losers. Which did he want to be? He had been a winner all the way, in every sport in junior high, high school, and at Annapolis. All-star material from the git-go. His parents had been so proud of him, especially his old man, who, until then, hardly knew what his name was. Yeah, his old man was proud, even prouder, if that was possible, when he came out of Annapolis a commissioned officer. His mother had cried, but his old man clapped him on the back and said “A second looey” out of the corner of his mouth, like James Cagney. His mother would like Ruby and Ruby would like her. Not that it made a difference one way or the other.

  “A beer,” Andrew said to the hovering waitress. “I’m waiting for my girl.” He flushed when the waitress smirked, but he stared her down. He did think of Ruby as his girl.

  He wished now he’d asked Ruby questions about the flip, but with his ego at stake, he hadn’t
dared. What exactly was he up against? Just how great was this air force pogue? He’d looked like a twit, like one of those pansy guys who danced in a leotard. What could Ruby possibly see in someone like that? How could she prefer a pineapple to him? Jesus, he was six-two and packed one hundred and seventy pounds on his frame, all pure, hard muscle.. It must have been the marriage proposal that did the trick.

  Andrew groaned. Marriage. If the flip offered marriage, then he had to do the same thing and hope for the best. You just never knew about females:

  But did he want to win Ruby enough for the big one? Runny-nosed kids, smelly diapers, animals, overcooked dinners, and no more freedom? If he decided to go for it, what the fuck would he be winning? He might be in love, but so what? That didn’t mean he had to go and get married.

  Andrew drained his second glass of beer just as Ruby walked through the door. He hailed the waitress by snapping his fingers. “Double time,” he said loudly enough to be heard at the next three tables, all seated civilians.

  Andrew smiled warmly and sized Ruby up. Just how good an officer’s wife would she make? With a little work she could definitely be an asset. She was pretty, not beautiful, but she had stunning eyes with thick lashes. Bedroom eyes. He liked that. Today her color was high and it wasn’t from makeup. She wore a crisp white blouse with a small black velvet ribbon under the collar. After a full day of work, the blouse had barely a wrinkle. He liked her hands with their shiny white nails. He wondered how she typed and how good she was. He asked, not because he really cared, but more to have something to say.

  Ruby smiled, but it was a forced smile. “Around sixty words a minute. Without mistakes. Can you type?”

  Andrew leaned back in his chair. “As a matter of fact, I can. This may surprise you, but I can knit, too. The coach of my high school football team made all the players learn to knit. It develops the hand muscles. Since I was the quarterback and handled the ball, it was important. I made an afghan once. My mother keeps it over the back of the chair she sits on.”